همگانی جملات کاربردی انگلیسی | کاربران نگاه

[dr.javaheri]

Mrs Scott bought a new house last year. The walls of the rooms had been painted a short time before, and Mrs Scott liked the colours, but the person who had sold her the house had taken the curtains with him, so Mrs Scott had to buy new ones, and of course she wanted to buy ones whose colours would go with the walls of her rooms. She discovered that her comb was exactly the same colour as these walls, so she always took it with her whenever she went to look for cloth for curtains.

In one shop she showed the shopkeeper the comb and then looked at various cloths for curtains for half an hour with him, until he got tired and said to her, "Madam, wouldn't it be easier just to buy some cloth you like, and then find a new comb to go with that?"

 

[dr.javaheri]

Helen lived with her sister Mary. Both of them were about seventy-five years old, and neither of them had ever married. They had a small, old car, and when they wanted to go somewhere, which they did very rarely, Mary always drove, because her eyes were better.

One weekend they drove to a large town to look at some things which they had read about in the newspaper. Neither of them had been to that town before.

They were driving along in a lot of traffic when they turned right into a street which cars were not allowed to go into. There was a policeman there, and he blew his whistle, but Mary did not stop, so he got on to his motor-cycle and followed them.

After he had ordered them to stop, he said, "Didn't you hear me blow my whistle?"

"Yes, we did," admitted Mary politely, "but Mummy told us never to stop when men whistle at us."

 

[dr.javaheri]

Harry Marsh was a driving examiner who had to test people who wanted to get a driving-licence. One day he came out of his office as usual and saw a car at the side of the road, with a young man in it. He got into the car beside the driver and told him to check the lights, then the brakes and then all the other usual things. The driver performed everything promptly and faultlessly, without saying a word.

Then Harry told the driver to start his engine and drive forward, Then he told him to turn right into a side road, stop, go backwards into another side road and then drive to the office again.

On the way, the driver said to harry politely, "Could you please tell me why we are doing all these things? I was passing through this town and only stopped to look at my map."

 

[dr.javaheri]

Mr Williams was a gardener and a very good one too. Last year he came to work for Mrs Elphinstone, who was old, fat and rich.

She knew nothing about gardens, but thought that she knew a lot, and was always interfering. One day Mr Williams got angry with Mrs Elphinstone and called her an elephant. She did not like that at all, so she went to a lawyer, and a few months later Mr Williams was in court, accused of calling Mrs Elphinstone an elephant. The magistrate found Mr Williams guilty, so Mr Williams said to him, "Does that mean that I am not allow to call this lady an elephant anymore?"

"That is quite correct," the magistrate answered.

"And am I allowed to call an elephant a lady?" the gardener asked.

"Yes, certainly," the magistrate answered.

Mr Williams looked at Mrs Elphinstone and said, "Goodbye, lady

 

[dr.javaheri]

There are lots of different kinds of Christian groups in the world, and one of them decided that they would adopt the motto: "There are no problems. There are only opportunities." "People think too much about difficulties which prevent them from doing good deeds," they said, "and not enough about things that help them to do them."

Once this group was having a big conference in a hotel, when one of the members came up to the conference inquiries desk and said to the girl behind it, "Excuse me, miss, but i have a problem."

The girl pointed to the motto, and said to the man, "No, sir, you hven't got a problem. You only have an opportunity,"

The man smiled patiently at her and answered, "Well, you can call it whatever you like, but there's a young woman in the room I was given when I arrived twenty minutes ago."

 

[dr.javaheri]

The cautious captain of a small ship had to go along a coast with which he was unfamiliar, so he tried to find a qualified pilot to guide him. He went ashore in one of the small ports where his ship stopped, and a local fisherman pretended that he was one because he needed some money. The captain took him on board and let him tell him where to steer the ship.

After half an hour the captain began to suspect that the fisherman did not really know what he was doing or where he was going so he said to him, "Are you sure you are a qualified pilot?"

"Oh, yes." answered the fisherman. "I know every rock on this part of the coast." Suddenly there was a terrible tearing sound from under the ship. At once the fisherman added, "And that's one of them."

 

[dr.javaheri]

A lot of people go to the seaside for their holidays, and the various towns try to organize entertainment for them.

In one seaside holiday town in the south of England, arrangements were mande for a band to play outdoors in a public park every evening for a week. Unfortunately it rained the first evening, and although the band performed well, there was only one person in the audience because, although the band was under cover, the audience were not.

The man was sitting in a chair, wearing a waterproof hat and coat After an hour, the conductor of the band went to his man and inquired whether he had a special request.

"Yes I have," said the man. "Please finish as soon as you can. I'm the keeper of this park, and I want to lock the gates and go home."

 

[dr.javaheri]

very strict officer was talking to some new soldiers whom he had to train. He had never seen them before, so he began: "My name is Stone, and I'm even harder than stone, so do what I tell you or there'll be trouble. Don't try any tricks with me, and then we'll get on well together."

Then he went to each soldier one after the other and asked him his name. "Speak loudly so that everyone can hear you clearly," he said, "and don't forget to call me 'sir'."

Each soldier told him his name, until he came to the last one. This man remained silent, and so Captain Stone shouted at him. "When I ask you a question, answer it! I'll ask you again: what's your name, Soldier?"

The soldier was very unhappy, but at last he replied. "My name's Stonebreaker, sir," he said nervously.

 

[dr.javaheri]

An old admiral was famous in the navy for his bad temper, so everyone tried hard not to annoy him. One week his ships were going to take part in a big international exercise, so he came on board in the evening, had his dinner and then went to bed. In the morning he had the breakfast early, came up to the bridge and examined the ships in his group carefully. Then he said angrily, "There should be two cruisers in this group, but I can only see one. Where's the other?" No one dared to answer, and this made the admiral even angrier. His face became redder and redder.

"Well?" he shouted. "What are you fools hiding from me? Where's the second cruiser? What's Happened to it? Answer me!"

At last a young sailor found enough courage to speak.
"Please, sir," he said, "you're on it."

 

[dr.javaheri]

Miss Jones teaches mathematics at a school. In one of her classes, the boys and girls are about eight years old, and they are not very good at arithmetic. Miss Jones always tries to make the work interesting and amusing as well as useful.

One day she gave them a question: "If you go to the market to buy vegetables," she said, "and a carrot and a half cost twelve pence, how much will you have to pay for a dozen carrots?"

The pupils began to write in their exercise-books, and for a long time nobody spoke. Then one boy put his hand up and said, "Could you repeat the question, please, Miss?"

The teacher began, "If a carrot and a half-", but the boy interrupted her.

"Oh, a carrot and a half?" he said. "All this time I've been trying to work it out in cabbage. Miss."