همگانی جملات کاربردی انگلیسی | کاربران نگاه

[dr.javaheri]

Joe and Helen Mills had two small children. One of them was six, and the other was four. They always resisted going to bed, and Helen was always complaining to Joe about this, but as he did not come home from work until after they had gone to bed during the week, he was unable to help except at week-ends.

Joe considered himself a good singer, but really his voice was not at all musical. However, he decided that, if he sang to the children when they went to bed, it would help them to relax, and gradually they would go to sleep.

He did this every Saturday and Sunday night until he heard his small son whisper to his younger sister, "If you pretend that you're asleep, he stops!?

 

[dr.javaheri]

Mr Hodges was the owner and editor of a small newspaper. He always tried to bring his readers the latest news.

One day, he received an excited telephone call from someone who claimed that he had just come through a big flood in a village up in the mountains. He described the flood in great detail, and Mr Hodges wrote it all down and printed it in his paper that evening. He was delighted to see that no other paper had got hold of the story.

Unfortunately, however, angry telephone calls soon showed that he had been tricked, so in the next day's paper he wrote: "We were the first and only newspaper to report yesterday that the village of Greenbridge had been destroyed by a flood. Today, we are proud to say that we are again the first newspaper to bring our readers the news that yesterday's story was quite false."

 

[dr.javaheri]

While Mr Green was waiting for a bus one morning, a car passed him, going very rapidly. Mr Green just had time to think, That fellow's certain to have an accident if. . . , before that was exactly what happened: the car hit the side of a bus violently as it was passing, and there was a terrible noise and quite a lot of damage.

Mr Green hurried to see whether anyone had been hurt, but everyone was all right. However, the bus driver asked him to be a witness at the trial, and Mr Green agreed.

At the trial, the judge asked Mr Green, "How far were you from the Place where the accident took Place?"

"Eleven metres and forty-eight centimetres," Mr green answered.

The judge was astonished and said, "How do you know the distance so exactly?"

"Because I was expecting some fool to ask me." Mr Green answered.

 

[dr.javaheri]

While Mr Green was waiting for a bus one morning, a car passed him, going very rapidly. Mr Green just had time to think, That fellow's certain to have an accident if. . . , before that was exactly what happened: the car hit the side of a bus violently as it was passing, and there was a terrible noise and quite a lot of damage.

Mr Green hurried to see whether anyone had been hurt, but everyone was all right. However, the bus driver asked him to be a witness at the trial, and Mr Green agreed.

At the trial, the judge asked Mr Green, "How far were you from the Place where the accident took Place?"

"Eleven metres and forty-eight centimetres," Mr green answered.

The judge was astonished and said, "How do you know the distance so exactly?"

"Because I was expecting some fool to ask me." Mr Green answered.

 

[dr.javaheri]

Mr Jones had to drive up from London to Edinburgh in Scotland.

"I'm going to drive at night," he said to his wife, "The roads will be quieter. And if I get hungry, I'll stop at one ofthe small restaurants at the side of the road and have something to eat."

The food's terrible in those places, I believe," his wife said.

"Oh, well, I don't suppose it will kill me," Mr Jones said, laughing. He left at 9 o'clock in the evening, and at about midnight he felt hungry, so he stopped at a small restaurant which was open all night and sat down at a table. A waiter came to him, and Mr Jones asked for ham and eggs.

"And," he said to the waiter, "I like my eggs almost raw, and my ham quite cold."

The waiter laughed and said, "You must have eaten here before!"

 

[dr.javaheri]

Many years ago an English lady in Africa was invited by an important local chief to be the first person to use his new bath-the first one in that part of Africa.

The lady went into the bath-house, turned on the taps and got into the nice, warm water. But when she looked up, she was frightened to see an eye watching her through a hole. She got out, dressed and ran outside, She saw an old man and a donkey there. He was carrying a petrol tin of hot water in one hand, and one of cold water in the other, and in front of him were two funnels.

"Why were you watching me in my bath?" the lady asked him angrily.

The man answered politely, "I have to see which tap was turn on madam, or I don't know whether to pour in hot or cold water."

 

[dr.javaheri]

Mr Robinson won a lot of money on the football pools, but he did not know what the best thing to do with it would be, so he went to a friend who knew a lot about money matters.

This friend said to him, "Go and buy some modern paintings, Their value goes up every year."

Mr Robinson went to a good art shop and looked at some modern paintings. He did not understand them at all, and thought that they were terrible-and also very expensive.

At last he saw a small picture which did not have a price on it. It was square and white, and had a black spot in the middle, and a narrow brass frame. Mr Robinson liked it better than any of the others in the shop. "How much is this one?" he said to the shopkeeper.


"That, sir," answered the shopkeeper, "is the electric light switch."

 

[dr.javaheri]

Mr Edwards and Mr Wilson were friends. They were sitting in a train when another man came in. There was going to be an election soon, and Mr Edwards and Mr Wilson began talking about politics. Mr Edwards supported the Labour Party strongly.

Suddenly the third man began to argue with Mr Edwards. He supported the Conservatives.

They argued for a long time, and then Mr Edwards said, "Well, I can't make you change your mind, and you can't make me change mine, so let's have an agreement: I won't vote for the Labour Party, and you won't vote for the Conservative party. Then we'll be able to stay at home comfortably, and nobody will lose anything." The other man agreed
They all got out at the same station, and Mr Edwards drove Mr Wilson home in his car.

"That's the fifteenth person I've made that agreement with," he said to him.

 

[dr.javaheri]

Some people were queuing outside the Scala Theatre for tickets for a very popular show. They had to wait for several hours, and during that time they were entertained by a young man who was playing very nicely on a trumpet. The queue enjoyed his music and put quite a lot of money in the box that he had on the ground in front of him.

At last one of the people in the queue said to him, "You play too well to be a beggar."

"I'm not a beggar," the young man said. "I'm studying to be a trumpet player in a big band, and I have to practise several hours every day, so I thought it would be nice to do it in the fresh air instead of in my small room on days when the weather was nice-and also to get a bit of money at the same time."

 

[dr.javaheri]

Mrs Grey was old and deaf, and she was in court, accusing a neighbour of allowing his dogs to come into her garden, damage her vegetables and run after her cat and her chickens.

After hearing both sides, the judge thought that it would be best and cheapest for everybody if Mrs Grey and her neighbor could come to some sort of arrangement to settle the matter between themselves, so he asked the lawyer who was representing Mrs Grey to find out how much money she wanted from her neighbour in order to stop the action against him.

Her lawyer explained to her what was happening, but Mrs Grey could not hear what he said, so he repeated loudly, "The judge wants to know what you will take."

"Oh, thank you very much." Mrs Grey answered politely. "Please tell him that I'll have a glass of beer."