همگانی جملات کاربردی انگلیسی | کاربران نگاه

[dr.javaheri]

In England nobody under the age of eighteen is allowed to drink in a public bar.

Mr Thompson used to go to a bar near his house quite often, but he never took his son, Tom, because he was too young. Then when Tom had his eighteenth birthday, Mr Thompson took him to his usual bar for the first time. They drank for half an hour, and then Mr Thompson said to his son, "Now, Tom, I want to teach you a useful lesson. You must always be careful not to drink too much. And how do you know when you've had enough? Well, I'll tell you. Do you see those two lights at the end of the bar? When they seem to have become four, you've had enough and should go home."

"But, Dad," said Tom, "I can only see one light at the end of the bar."

 

[dr.javaheri]

Mr and Mrs Davis had four children. One Saturday Mrs Davis said to her husband, "The children haven't got any lessons today, and you're free too. There's a fun-fair in the park. Let's all go."

Her husband was doubtful about this. "I want to finish some work," he said.

"Oh, forget about it and come to the fair!" his wife said.

So Mr and Mrs Davis took the children to the fun-fair. Mr Davis was forty-five years old, but he enjoyed the fun-fair more than the children. He hurried from one thing to another, and ate lots of sweets and nuts.

One of the children said to her mother, "Daddy's behaving just like a small child, isn't he, Mummy?"

Mrs Davis was quite tired of following her husband around by now, and she answered, "He's worse than a small child, Mary, because he's got his own money

 

[dr.javaheri]

Mr Jones bought some things from a big shop fast month, and when he got the bill a few days ago, he thought that there was a mistake in it, so he telephoned the shop and asked to speak to the Accounts Department. "Who do you want to speak to in the Accounts Department?" the telephone operator asked.

"It doesn't matter to me," Mr Jones answered. He did not know the names of any of the people who worked there. He heard nothing for a few seconds and then the operator said, "Hullo, you wanted to speak to someone in the Accounts Department, didn't you?"

"Yes, that's right," Mr Jones answered.

"Would you like to speak to Mr Hankinson?" the operator said.

"Yes, that'll be all right," Mr Jones said patiently. "It doesn't matter who I speak to."

"I'm sorry," the operator answered, "but Mr Hankinson isn't in today

 

[dr.javaheri]

Mr Jones bought some things from a big shop fast month, and when he got the bill a few days ago, he thought that there was a mistake in it, so he telephoned the shop and asked to speak to the Accounts Department. "Who do you want to speak to in the Accounts Department?" the telephone operator asked.

"It doesn't matter to me," Mr Jones answered. He did not know the names of any of the people who worked there. He heard nothing for a few seconds and then the operator said, "Hullo, you wanted to speak to someone in the Accounts Department, didn't you?"

"Yes, that's right," Mr Jones answered.

"Would you like to speak to Mr Hankinson?" the operator said.

"Yes, that'll be all right," Mr Jones said patiently. "It doesn't matter who I speak to."

"I'm sorry," the operator answered, "but Mr Hankinson isn't in today

 

[dr.javaheri]

Mr Hodge was a chicken farmer. He had hundreds of chickens, and sold the eggs and the meat and got quite a lot of money for them, but he lived in a very hot part of the country, and he found that his hens laid hardly any eggs in the summer. So he decided to put air-conditioning into his chicken-house so that the hens would lay well all through the year and he could get more eggs and in that way earn more money.

The owner of the company which sold the air-conditioning came to see him, and when he saw Mr Hodge's house, he thought that he might be able to persuade him to buy some air-conditioning for that too.

"Your wife would be much happier and more comfortable then," he said to Mr Hodge. But Mr Hodge was not interested.

"My wife doesn't lay eggs," he said

 

[dr.javaheri]

George Banks was a clever journalist. He worked for a good newspaper, and he liked arguing very much. He argued with anybody, and about anything. Sometimes the people whom he argued with were as clever as he was, but often they were not.

He did not mind arguing with stupid people at all: he knew that he could never persuade them to agree, because they could never really understand what he was saying; and the stupider they were, the surer they were that they were right; but he often found that stupid people said very amusing things.

At the end of one argument which George had with one of these less clever people, the man said something which George has always remembered and which has always amused him. It was, "Well, sir, you should never forget this: there are always three answers to every question: your answer, my answer, and the correct answer."

 

[dr.javaheri]

Pat came over from Ireland to England with his wife one year to find work. He got quite a good job with a building company, and as he did not drink or smoke, he saved up quite a lot of money.

His wife's parents were still in Ireland, and one day she got a telegram to say that her mother was ill, so Pat gave her some money and she went to Ireland to see her.

After a week, Pat wanted to write a letter to her, but he could not read or write very well, so he went to his priest and asked him to do it for him. Pat told the priest what he wanted to say, and the priest wrote it down. After a few minutes Pat stopped, and the priest said, `Do you want to say any more?"

"Only, 'Please excuse the bad writing and spelling'," Pat said.

 

[dr.javaheri]

Mark went to a barber's shop and had his hair cut, but when he came out, he was not happy with the result, and when his friend George saw him, he laughed and said, "What's happened to your hair, Mark?"

Mark said, "I tried a new barber's shop today, because I wasn't at all satisfied with my old one, but this one seems even worse."

George agreed. "Yes, I think you're right, Mark. Now I'll tell you what to do next time you go into a barber's shop: look at all the barbers' hair, and then go to the one whose own hair has been cut the worst."

"The one whose hair's been cut the worst?" Mark repeated. "But that would be foolish!"

"Oh, no, it wouldn't," answered George. "Who do you think cut that man's hair? He couldn't cut it himself, could he? Another of the barbers cut it-and he must have been a worse barber than the one whose hair he cut."

 

[dr.javaheri]

Mrs Harris's husband died when she was forty-five years old. She had a son, who was eighteen years old at that time.

Mrs Harris was not a widow for very long. She met a nice man who was a few years, older than she was, and two years after her first husband had died, she married for the second time. Her son, Peter, was twenty years old then.

Mrs Harris had a nice, quiet wedding in the village church, and after that, they had the usual party at her house for her family and her new husband's, and for some of their friends, but Peter was very late for the party. At last he hurried in, kissed his mother, and said, "I'm sorry I'm late, Mum, but I've been looking everywhere for a card which says, "To my Mother, for her Wedding," and I haven't been able to find one."

 

[dr.javaheri]

long time ago, when aeroplanes were not very big or strong yet, all passengers had to be weighed with their luggage, so that planes did not have to carry more than it was safe to carry. Then later, when aeroplanes became bigger and stronger, only the luggage had to be weighed; and now very often, the luggage has to be measured instead of being weighed, because size is more important to the airlines than weight. Aeroplanes are so big and strong now, that they can carry almost any weight.

But before a passenger can travel by Hawaiian Airlines, he or she still has to be weighed. Once when one fat man was asked by the airlines' clerk how much he weighed, he thought for a few seconds and then said to her: "With or without my clothes?"

"Well, sir," the girl answered, "how are you planning to travel?"